27 years and counting...

This is a strange post to write. Like I'm really struggling with a title. I can't even really think of a category, because of yet, I've never had to deal with this in my life. To some degree anyway.

A week ago I got a phone call that could possibly change my life forever. My birth mother would like to make contact with me. Um yeah. Like I said. Just a bit crazy!

I was adopted when I was 12 days old. My parents had very limited information about my birth family, as was the custom in those days. Closed adoptions, there was no other option. They drove to Kamloops in the middle of December, then drove all over the city with a Social Worker (possibly such a convoluted route so they wouldn't be able to find their way back) and ended up at a foster home, where they found me.

My birth Mother was able to give me a teddy bear, an outfit, and a handwritten letter. She also wrote a letter to my parents. The teddy bear sits in Gabe's room, and the letter has always been dear to me. It was written by the hand of a 15 year old girl. One that I've never known, but I've always had a lot of compassion for her. I think a lot of adopted people feel like they were abandoned by their birth parents, but for me, I feel nothing like that. I don't know the entire situation, but I do know that for myself...at 15, I was not ready or willing to be a parent.

My parent's on the other hand were unable to have children, and I was an answer to their prayers. They already had adopted my sister, who was also an infant when she was adopted (she is 4 years older than me), and I helped to complete their family. They were 28 and 29 (the age I will be this year), and in a much better position to provide suitable family life to a young child.

So in my 27 or so years, I've always wondered about my birth Mother. Basically on the day of my 18th birthday I sent my application to the Adoption Reunion Registry in BC. Not long after I received my birth order, and order of adoption. These documents provided some information, but they could never tell the entire story. I did learn that my birth Mother chose the name "Melissa Anne" for me. Of course my parents had no way of knowing this information, otherwise I'm sure they would have honored her wishes.

But basically the past 10 years have been one big dead end. The agency conducted an "active search" for me (versus a passive search where you put your name into a database, hoping that the other person also puts their name in), and for a number of years they could not locate her. When they finally did, she said she did not want contact. That was a number of years ago now, but I think at the time I was fairly disappointed. I wouldn't say devastated, but its obviously something I've wanted for a long time.

Yet, here I am, with the potential of this thing in front of me, and I have no idea what to expect, or how to feel. To be honest I would say I'm fairly emotionless at this point. Mainly because nothing is "official" yet. She still needs to get in her information release to the agency (they already have mine). She still could change her mind at this point, so I don't want to get too worked up for nothing.

The night after I got the phone call I went to the library and got stocked up on books like "The Adoption Reunion Handbook" and "The Adoption Reunion Survival Guide." So far these books have been fairly informative, but they do stress two things. Firstly, each experience is different. No two are going to be alike. And secondly don't set your expectations too high. That last one sure makes you wonder.

So I've been trying to think about my expectations, and I really can't pinpoint any. Not like I'm off in la la land about the entire thing, but honestly, I have no idea what to expect. How I can I put expectations on something that I know nothing about? Whereas, something like chocolate chip mint ice cream, I consider myself to be somewhat of an expert, so when I put out $5.99 on a tub of that creamy goodness, I expect my money's worth. But in a scenario where I'm walking in totally blind, with very little prior knowledge, who am I to expect anything?

Anyway, I wanted to share that little bit of news from around here. I'll post again when something more concrete comes to pass. But I would ask you to pray that I could find a way to somehow "prepare" myself for this situation. I really have no idea what I'm walking into, which is terribly exciting and scary all at the same time.

The letter from my birth Mother