Wife Swap

So if you're wondering, I obviously survived my 24 hours without the computer. Tonight is Earth Hour, so I will go another 60 minutes without the computer, as well as electricity. I'll write more about my "unplugged" day on Monday.

I wanted to share about a show we watched last night. If you haven't watched Wife Swap, you probably aren't worse off. I've only seen it a few times. Last night we were going to watch my taped ER episode (ONLY ONE EPISODE LEFT!!!), and as I was waiting for Rob to join me, Wife Swap began. And I got sucked in...

Basically these two families were at the opposite ends of the spectrum. On one end you have the redneck, deep-fried chicken-eating, overweight, low income family, and on the other, the upper-class, exercising, supplement-taking, military ruling, prim and proper family. The premise of the show is that the wives get sent to each others home for two weeks. For the first week, the wife must live by the family's rules, and in week two she can make her own adjustments.

In the redneck family, their young son was called "King Curtis," because he was literally ruling the house. The parent's knew this, and he knew this. The parent's didn't want to set rules for their children, but rather be their friends. They were all dangerously overweight, including the two kids (9 and 11 year olds). Basically anything they ate had to be deep fried. They equated food with happiness. At one point Curtis (the son) said "I don't want to lose weight, I want to be fat and happy." The Dad worked as little as he possibly could so he could spend more time with his family (selling pine needles for landscaping purposes). He owned hundreds of cars that he would fix up and drive in demolition derby's. The family spent most of their weekend's doing this.

On the other end of the spectrum was the well-to-do family. The Dad's nickname was "Sarge." He used to be in the army, and basically still runs his family like its the military. He and his wife run a "Boot Camp" fitness club. This takes up the majority of their time (up and at 'em each morning at 5:00am). They take oodles of supplements, believing that they will live to be 120 years old, and they plan to look damn good when they get there. She doesn't cook meals that contain less than 95% vegetables. No junk food for miles. Their children don't have play dates (well, one every three months or so if that counts), but rather need to focus on things with purpose - school, fitness. They also believe in focused dreaming (or something along these lines). There is a $4 million house in their neighborhood that they visit frequently. They take pictures of it, of them touching it, of them inside of it (its for sale). All with the idea that if they dream it, it will eventually happen for them.

Whoa, talk about completely different worlds hey?

In the end, I don't think that two weeks will be changing either of their lives, but I think, or at least I hope, it made them stop and think. The redneck Mom was going to try to cook two healthy meals a week, and exercise more. The army family created "Fun Fridays." The kids are allowed to eat whatever they want, and they spend the day doing fun family activities.

In both families, I could see the good, and the bad...

The rednecks, I appreciate their love for family, and the reality that money isn't everything. That kids should be kids, and enjoy these years. That they have a pastime that they all enjoy and can take part in.
But for me where it goes all astray is the food = happiness bit. That a 9 year old is telling his parent's how to run their lives. That one can't aspire for more than what they have or work towards goals.

The fitness freaks definitely take care of their bodies, and I see great value in that. They likely won't live to be 120, but they will hopefully live long, vibrant lives. They are also instilling these values into their children (whereas the obese family is just breeding their bad habits into their children). They have vision, they have goals. They aren't afraid to set boundaries for their children.
But they do go astray (in my mind) where food becomes an obsession. That their children can't experience Mac 'n' Cheese, or a hot dog, because "Do you know the carbs in that, not to mention the calories?" When they can't play or just be kids because there is no point to it. Where they spend so much time dreaming these things, rather than just enjoying what they have now, including their children.

Honestly this show should be part of some sort of psychology textbook or something. I said to Rob that these people were so caught up in their mindsets, that they couldn't (or didn't want to) see their errors in judgement. Yet, from afar, watching it on TV, the extremes were so apparent.

I often wonder how often I do that. I get so focussed on myself, and looking inward, that I'm unwilling to see the error of my ways. Yet, when you can take a step back or ask someone your trust, who will tell it to you straight, you begin to see these things. Perhaps if we all had our own reality show (I can see it now, "The Holly Show"), we would be able to see a lot more of the ugliness in ourselves.

My heart grieves for both families. Both thinking that what they are doing is so right, yet in many ways, so wrong. I honestly wonder what will become of "King Curtis." His parent's created a monster. His poor eating habits are ultimately a reflection on his parents, and one that he will carry with him, possibly for the rest of his life, if his parent's don't change things now. Yet, Sarge's kids don't even know their Dad. When asked to use one word to describe their parent's they said "vegetables." Wow. And the even more shocking part was that the Dad thought that was a good thing. Um, OK, but what about words like loving, fun, playful, caring, protector, hero? Man, I can only hope as a parent that my kids aren't coming up with words like vegetables (well, actually, chocolate is probably a more likely description in this house!).