Another Phone Call...

I have to admit, after the phone call with my birth Mom the other night, I barely slept. I had a gazillion things running through my mind. Names, places, info...wow. So yeah, I was tossing and turning all night. Just couldn't turn my brain off.

I do have to say facebook comes in very handy in a situation like this. I had names, and I had facebook. So I was able to search many of my birth Mom's biological family (I didn't add them as friends just yet, but just saw their profile pictures. So I do know they are out there. One step at a time!), as well as my half sister Tara. I found her immediately on facebook, and although you would never mistake us for identical twins, I could see some similiarities. So I messaged her and asked that if she was the person I was looking for that she would add me as a friend.

I woke up the next day and she had! It was another overwhelming experience, because now not only do I have names...but I have faces. Real people. So I started looking through her photos (I think at the same time she was looking through mine!). Eventually I found ones of her and her brother (my half brother) growing up. And finally, a picture of my birth Mom. I think it took my breath away. Unreal.

I think as an adoptee that is one of the most common desires, to look like someone. To have someone's nose or lips or cheekbones. Well, when I saw that picture, I could tell that I have many similar facial characteristics of my Mother. In the picture my siblings are probably around 5, so that would make her in her early 20's. I think she is unbelievably beautiful.

After Tara and I snooped each others pictures, we began chatting on facebook, and eventually arranged a phone call. My half sister called me yesterday afternoon from Denmark! We chatted for 40 minutes and it was really good. A touch awkward, partially because, really, where do you begin, and partially because any overseas phone call has the potential to have a very bad connection. We did at times. But it was good overall. We were able to share a bit about our lives to each other. I can see that relationship continuing to grow and develop which is exciting.

I've also sent a message to my half-brother (via facebook), so we will see if he is interested in pursuing a relationship with me at this time. And obviously I will continue to make attempts to get to know my birth Mother. I plan to send her a package with some pictures of the kids. The only picture she had was of Abbi when she was 5 months old (actually it was a few days before her first surgery), and until our phone call she didn't know I had a son. So it will be exciting to introduce the "new and improved" Abbi and Gabe (or at least the more age relevant!). It seems trickier to develop a relationship without the internet, but I guess one must step back a few decades and try to get their mind around someone not having the internet!

For now I'm feeling slightly more adjusted to this new revelation in my life. I think its almost like after you give birth. You have this incredible adrenalin rush, and just want to go, go, go. But eventually, that must end and you get back to reality (or perhaps you just become sleep deprived). Whatever it is, you do come to terms with this new little person in your life, and begin to adjust, accommodate, and eventually learn how to fit them into your life.

I would say its a similar process with adoption reunion. Thankfully there are no labour pains, but I would say the process can often be long and difficult, and perhaps tiring (this was 10 years in the making for me). But when you do finally get that thing that you've waited for all your life, there is a giant sense of relief and excitement, as well as fear and nervousness. Now I realize that not all adoption reunions start out as positively as mine has, and I am very aware that these are very delicate relationships that could easily break down if not cared for properly (or they could still break down, no matter what I do), but right now as the excitement and adrenalin starts to fade, I'm hoping that I can just enjoy the newness of it and appreciate that I've even gotten this far.

In the past two days, I've had two incredible phone calls with two amazing people, people who have blood ties to me. Blood ties, people! I even now have pictures. I now have the satisfaction of knowing I have someone's nose. Someone's eyebrows. Someone's cheekbones. So just like a new baby, I'm going to enjoy the sweetness of this as long as I can. Not start thinking about the poopy diapers, or the temper tantrums, but just rest in this, and be grateful for what I have been given.