Old Yeller

This post actually has nothing to do with a yellow lab. A shot, dead yellow lab. Although doesn't that scene make you cry every time? I think my Mom and I were suckers for pain. I watched that movie way too many times growing up, and every time I bawled. Poor Old Yeller. I vowed I would never shoot my dog, and I'm pleased to report, I have kept my vow for over 28 years!

But who's Old Yeller then? Well, that would be me. Yup, this place often seems to be my confessional (the blog I mean). I'm the yeller. Around the house that is. I've become a yeller, and well, I hate it. I was writing to a friend about it today, and I think a better term really is the "Mommy Beast." I have really not been very patient with my kids lately, and letting my emotions get the best of me. I've been short-tempered, frustrated, stressed, angry. Not good things.

As a result, my daughter seems to be on a Mommy detox. Wanting little to do with me. Crying when I come into Sunday School to take her home. Crying when I walk into preschool to take her home. Even crying this morning when she came into our room only to discover Daddy wasn't there. Now don't get me wrong, there was a day that Mommy was the end-all-be-all of Abbi's life, and this could very well be a I"'m in love with my Daddy" phase, but I also don't think it helps that I'm the Grumpy Mommy.

Sigh. So now what? Well, other than feeling totally guilty, and ashamed of the way I've acted, I've got to do something. And really I can't totally undo what I've done (to a degree), but I do have today. So I'm putting it out there that today, I will try to "be better" (which was my 2nd resolution). I was kind of speaking of this entire thing when I wrote that. I'm often reminded how much power I have over this home. My emotions, my attitude, my behavior determines so much of the atomosphere of this place. So much of that is in my control, and it often terrifies me.

I remember in high school I was such a drama queen (I know that some of you are nodding your heads. Yes you, L & A!). My emotions ran high, or low, or well, whatever suited me at the moment. I had no control (or at least I thought I had no control) over the way I behaved, and I feel like that same pattern is rearing its ugly head years later. Yet, now, so much more is at stake. Not to say I didn't hurt many people in my teenage years due to my drama, but now there are two little lives who look to me for guidance, support, and love. So yeah, today. I hope to be better.

I'm pleased to report that I am doing splendid at all of my other resolutions. We are on day #2 of low fat cooking (And we are two for two for delicious recipes. I hope to share them later in the week!). Rob's good friend has been following a pH balanced diet, and as a result has lost 22 lbs (I think in a 12 week period). Now those are the kind of results I like hearing about! So we've printed off our lists of what foods are acid and which ones are alkaline, with the goal of eating 80% akaline foods and 20% acid. Basically most veggies, tofu, lots of grains. It was kind of fun grocery shopping last night!

I can't say I'll follow it totally, but I definitely see a lot of good in it. Regardless of the pH thing, I'm still keeping up with eating small portions. Lots of water. Lots of veggies. No snacking at night. And well...no chocolate, my one vice. I've told Rob I thought I would try to not eat chocolate until I finish my History course (shocking, I know!), which has to be done by April, but my word, that's like forever! He told me to shake on it, which seemed like quite the commitment at the time, but now that I think about it more, I think its a good thing to shoot for. So that's the goal right now.

I also stopped by the health food store last night. My goodness, you want weight loss encouragement, walk into a health food store! "Lose weight this way. Cleanse this way. Take this and it will do this." All good, positive, happy stuff. And the girl was so enthusiastic. I told her about the pH diet and she scurries off to get some information. Then I asked about Apple Cider Vinegar pills, to which she scurried off to get some more information. Then I ask about Dandelion tea...off she goes! How fun is that? so I've got lots of things to try out (Although I was sad to read that the Apple Cider Vinegar is in no way pH balanced, which is where I think I will be straying from the diet). What I've read about the weight loss benefits of the ACV are much too omplelling. 2 pills before each meal, and apparently, voila! We'll have to see ;)

Anyway, I'm going to do what I can to make today a good day. I'm motivated on many accounts. Thanks for listening/reading!