Tough Days, Tough Weeks...Tough Months?

These last few weeks have been pretty hard around these parts. I can't exactly pinpoint what has gotten so tough. The first thing that comes to mind is screaming...much screaming. Why is my son screaming? Well, I can't really say. I don't think he's teething. I don't think he's gassy. I could go on and on about all the things that could be wrong with him. He seems fairly content, as long as you are either holding or feeding him. Otherwise its Scream 4 around these parts (Or wait, is there a Scream 4? Well, if there is, there likely shouldn't be. They should have stopped while they were ahead...blasted sequels!).

Yesterday the neighbor "popped by" for a visit. I think she was really just checking to see that I didn't have either of my children strapped into a torture chair. "I thought you could use a visit." Although at that very moment, the very last thing I wanted to do was visit. The house looked like a bomb had gone off, the children had just fallen asleep, and I just needed plain 'ol silence. I had to turn her away, which I felt a bit guilty about, but really I just needed some 'me time.' As short lived as it was.

Rob came home yesterday and I was so done. Just exhausted. Not to mention I actually lost my hearing for a good portion of the day. I felt like was underwater almost all day, and the screaming was nearly painful. I'd definitely have to put it on my Top 10 list of Bad Parenting Days.

It was one of those days that you start to think, "What did I get myself into..." But then I have to remember thousands, no, actually millions, of Mom's have gone before me. Many with colicky babies, many of them single, many of them with more kids than I (OctoMom anyone?). Of course that really doesn't help in the moment, but at least I know I'm not alone.

As I sit here in silence, and alone, its much easier to look back on our few crazy weeks and reason it all out, but in the moment it just feels like this time will never end, and I just want to get it over with. But as I was thinking about this the other day (again, in silence, and alone!), I tried to remind myself that there are sweet moments that I know I will miss from this time. I was talking to a friend about "coping" in these crazy days, and she said she tries to write down things about each of her children that she doesn't want to forget. Or those special moments that can so easily get lost in the midst of the madness.

So I thought I would give it a try, and put it all in perspective.

~ I can't say I love waking up in the middle of the night to nurse Gabe, but I love those sweet, still moments, just the two of us. So soft, and cuddly. I will one day miss those snuggles.
~ I truly love Abbi's excitement about anything firetruck, train, ambulance, or digger
~ Abbi was given a Barney costume and a ballerina tutu from a couple at church this past weekend, and she has picked the Barney costume day after day. No fail.
~ I love the way Gabe grabs his food with his little pointer finger straight out. Just adorable.
~ I love finding my children sitting side by side, giggling away at each other, for no apparent reason. Its those moments I live for.
~ I love it when Abbi wakes up and asks, "Where is my friend Daddy?"
~ I love it that Abbi still continues to call a bridge a fridge. "We are driving over the "fridge."
~ When I nurse Gabe, I love it when he looks up at me, nipple still in mouth, milk all over the place, and a giant grin from cheek to cheek erupts. Probably my favorite thing about nursing.

~ And finally, I love that these two, adorable, sweet, precious, yet sometimes maddening, and frustrating, little children are mine. That they are the product of me and the man I love.
I wouldn't trade them for anything, although I'd definitely swap on the screaming any day!

So if you do happen to drive by, or call, and you just happen to hear an excessive amount of screaming, just know I'm not torturing my kids. And hey, if you're really feeling generous, come armed with earplugs (for me and you), a Tall Non-Fat Caramel Macchiato (for me), and chocolate for us to share!